Live Blogging the VMAs
8:12-[Preshow, some guy is talking to Pink. We're trying to convince Mark to drink with us. Tomb hasn't shown up yet for some reason.]
8:14- Mark: “I guess I’ll party.”
8:21- [Matt and Kim win Breakthrough Video] Peter: Buzz Aldrin made the right call on the Matt and Kim video.
8:26- None of us know who Taylor Swift is.
8:41-Katie: The Fame music video is terrible, as is the entire idea of a Fame remake. The original was perfect, people!
8:52- We just did some research, and we decided that we hate all of the nominees this year.
8:58- [Sabotage wins Best Video That Should've Won a Moonman] Peter: Well obviously Sabatoge should have won a Moon Man award. Maybe MTV should have gotten it’s act together a little earlier instead just handing out awards after the fact.
9:00- The Michael Jackson tribute begins
9:01- Tomb: Madonna’s going off on a tangent. I don’t think this is scripted anymore.
9:02- Mark: Fallout Boy’s taking it pretty rough.
Tomb: He bears an undue amount of guilt for slavery.
9:03- Katie: Madonna’s story is kind of boring.
9:05- Tomb: Beyonce looks scared shitless. Madonna’s gone broken arrow.
9:06- Tomb: We all know he molested children, we’ve already forgiven him for it due to his musical contributions. We don’t need Madonna to tell us that the molestation pales in comparison…
9:08- Tomb: That would be cool if the whole show was just about Michael Jackson.
9:09- Katie: So the Michael Jackson tribute is just some random guys dancing to his music?
9:10- Mark: They should’ve put our dance prank on here.
Tomb: Yeah, we were tributing him before he was dead. Right in the middle of his molestation trial, we were giving him props.
9:15- Tomb: Russell Brand has a flat butt. Look at that. He needs special pants, man.
9:18- Peter: The guy behind Jimmy Fallon is asleep already.
9:19- Peter: Lady Gage is being swallowed whole by her anaconda of an outfit.
9:20- Katie: The only thing I have to say about this guy is Ello, Ello, Ello!
9:20- Katie: Russell Brand just gave mad props to free healthcare. I love him now.
9:21- Mark: I’m pro Russell Brand now. I may not understand the fucker, but he’s cool as shit.
9:21- Peter: I think I may have had just enough to drink to enjoy this show.
9:23- Katie: Let it be known that Mark thinks that’s Shakira up there with Taylor Lautner. Thom just bet Mark 10.000 that it’s not Shakira. I’m going 50/50 with Tomb, cause there is no way that’s Shakira.
9:25- Tomb: Mark’s bettin the farm on something he barely knows is true.
9:30- Turns out is was Shakira.
Tomb: That was a bad bet. I take my responsibility for it. So.. I’ll get you my five grand.
9:30- Katie: Let it be known that I’m not paying Mark my half.
9:30- Tomb: Katie’s welchin’ on the bet!
9:32- Tomb: I think it’s all gonna work out. Mark seems pretty cool with it. You know, I think he never expected us to pay him in the first place.
9:33- Peter: This teen audience is not taking kindly to Russell Brand’s sex jokes.
9:35- Peter: Wow, so Coldplay is considered rock?
9:36- Peter: Is it just me or does this Green Day song sound a lot like a Weezer song?
9:37- Tomb: I can’t believe the thought never entered their mind that this song is, like, lame and boring.
9:38- Tomb: I was expecting to feel old and crotchety, but they’re playing stuff that was like a little bit before our time. Their running on fumes here.
9:41- [Taylor Swift performs live in a subway station] Katie: They prolly had to shut down a whole subway station for this bullshizz..
Tomb: People having to walk home from work and shit.. “I guess it’s Taylor Swift again…”
9:49- [Lady Gaga performs live] Pete: Finally we get to hear the slow version of Poker Face.
9:49- Tomb: This is the most degrading thing I can think of. That black guy has panties on his face, and he’s forced to be part of this deification of this white woman.
9:51- Tomb: Oh, come on!
9:51- Pete: Oh, there’s a cripple?! If she gets up..
9:52- Tomb. Even Puffy’s confused.
9:53- Pete: I’m a Lady Gaga fan now, cause that was the most surreal thing I’ve ever seen.
9:53- Katie: Did the cripple stand up?
Tomb: No, they pushed her off stage real fast. She probably crashed into a wall. She’s probably really crippled now.
9:55- Peter: [Jennifer's Body commercial] I hate Megan Fox. Have I mentioned how much I hate Megan Fox?
Tomb: Quit drinkin that haterade.
9:57- Peter: Nobody’s laughing at Russell Brand’s jokes.
Tomb: Yeah, cause imagine how we’re having trouble understanding his jokes, and they’re dumber than we are.
9:59- [Best Female Video] Peter: We all know Katie’s rooting for Beyonce.
10:00- Tomb: Womanizer is a skanky-ass video.
Katie: I can’t believe Britney Spears won, that’s ridiculous.
Mark: She didn’t even show up
Tomb: With that kind of schedule, we can’t blame her for not writing a better song.
10:03- Peter: [on Megan Fox] Ooh that’s a bad dress, cause it makes her look fat. Once I get enough drinks in me, I become a fashion critic like Joan Rivers.
10:09- [Green Day is pulling girls onstage] Katie: She doesn’t have pants on! Half these girls don’t have pants on!
Tomb: This song sounds exactly like “Welcome to Paradise.”
10:09- Tomb: But whose gonna stop them? Nobody’s gonna stop them. They’re too powerful.
10:18- The exclusive New Moon footage is making us all laugh heartily.
10:21-[Beyonce performs live] Tomb: That’s a pretty gay audience. “Just to touch Beyonce….”
Tomb: This would be considered immoral in the old days, and rightfully so. This has nothing to do with music, or dance. It’s whorish, is what it is.
10:22- Tomb: Ok, now we’re getting to the music. Nothin wrong with being sexy. Look how big their butts are. They’re bulging out of their outfits. Those outfits are meant to accentuate the butt.
10:23- Peter: I don’t go to a Beyonce concert to watch her dance.
10:24- Tomb: No offense Beyonce, but I didn’t come here to watch you dance. Start singin so I can start strokin.
10:25- Tomb: She seems like she’s rubbing it in. Okay, she wrote a great song, Single Ladies, but it’s like everywhere she goes she’s doing a rendition of it. It’s like she’s trying to make us feel bad about ourselves for not writing Single Ladies.
10:31- Pete: Oh, I hate dresses like that, where you don’t see the..
Tomb: Where you don’t see the cooch.
10:32- [TI wins for best hip-hop video] Katie: LIVE YA LIFE!!!
10:33- Katie: That dress is really ugly now that I see it.
10:34- Peter: I can’t wait till people find our blog and realize we’ve been blogging for years without anyone noticing.
Tomb: Yeah, like certain members of us have made 10,000 bets and actually become very successful.
10:40- Katie: I’m loving Tracy Morgan and Cyndi Lauper singing together.
Mark: This is awesome.
10:42- Tomb: Asher Roth reminds me of the little brother of that Backstreet Boy. Aaron Carter. “Mom’s sellin shit about only two sodas…”
Tomb: “….They broke all my mom’s china and they sold some drugs… cause it’s Aaron’s party… the most hardcore party you eva gonna see….”
10:44- Tomb: “… I know it’s Aaron’s party but my mom’s the boss…”
10:46- Katie: I haven’t been paying attention, but Mark claims that Jennifer Aniston is going to be in a new movie called either The Panther or The Cougar. I find it hard to believe.
10:47- Mark: Idea: We should come out with a movie called The Bobcat, and it’s about a girl our age who goes after guys our age.
10:48- Katie: I hate that “Right Round” song.
10:48- Pete: I’m gonna go rogue here and say I like it
10:49- Pete: Do we like Asher Roth or do we hate him?
Katie: We hate him. Pete, you have lost yo damn mind.
10:50- Tomb: Eminem lost mad weight. Remember when he was fat?
10:58- We all breathe a sigh of relief when Asher Roth loses.
10:59- Pete: I hate Lady Gaga’s music, but I LOVE her outfits.
11:01-[Pink performs live] Tomb: She ain’t cut out to be wearin that.
Tomb: That’s crazy that you can just wear a heart on your boob, to cover your nipple, and nobody cares.
11:03- Tomb: Katie’s startin to agree with what Pink’s doing.
Katie: I’m mesmerized.
11:04- Tomb: She doesn’t even have a net! That girls crazy!
Mark: She does have the wires though.
Tomb: Yeah, you’re right, she shouldn’t be given any credit at all.
Tomb: You gotta have more under your boob than just a heart there. That can’t be just symbolic. You gotta have heart to do that.
11:12- [Video of the Year] Katie: Obviously I’m rooting for Beyonce
11:12- Tomb: That was pretty sexy.
11:13- Pete: I hope Lady Gaga doesn’t win, even though I love her outfits.
11:13- Tomb: Delete everything we said where we doubted Beyonce.
11:15- Katie: I don’t understand what just happened.
11:15- Tomb: Just cause Don Cheadle is cool with it doesn’t mean the black population in general is cool with it.
Mark: Is Don Cheadle in this thing?
Tomb: Who fuckin knows?
11:20- Katie: Jay-Z is running late. Jay Z is tardy.
11:22- Peter: This show is too scripted.
11:23- Mark: I think Jay Z has come back wearin the 45
11:23- Pete: To aim at you, probly maim you!
11:24- Tomb just bet Mark double or nothin another 10,000, that that isn’t Alicia Keys on piano. [Alicia Keys is on piano]
11:27- Peter: Jay Z is always saying he’s done with the music business in every song. He’s like I”M OUT! And then he comes back again.
11:30- Peter: Let’s just start and end it with Micheal Jackson because the writers are lazy.
11:35- We all agree that the Kanye – Beyonce- Taylor Swift thing was totally fixed. Nice try, VMAs
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